There are some 46m people in the world using the dating app Tinder. Countless more are searching for a mate on Bumble, Happn or — for the snobby yet painfully insecure — Raya, a “private members’ service” that rejects anyone who doesn’t have a solid stock of Instagram followers or a minor IMDb credit. Across all these apps, there is a common theme: most of the men are wearing terrible outfits in their profile photos. Perhaps a trilby. Perhaps Lycra cycling gear. Perhaps a Superdry T-shirt. Perhaps no top at all.
Contemporary commentary likes to paint women as obsessives, endlessly scrolling in search of love, fruitlessly hunting for a gem among the melee of selfies. “Where are the good ones?” asks a female friend, thumbs exhausted.
Where indeed? More than 60 per cent of app users are men, which makes the shortage of prospects even more outrageous. But most have no idea how to present themselves online. What would persuade a decent guy with a solid job, a tolerable personality and a normal bunch of human friends, to put on a pair of Elton John-style star-shaped glasses and use it as his profile pic? Is that pocket square a good idea? Or that cartoon tie? That’s not even your dog, is it?