You have really thought about it and it is quite clear that the only course of action is to go on that diet, stop smoking or begin writing your novel. And you do make a start, full of enthusiasm. But it’s not long before you fall back into your sweet old ways. Perhaps you conclude the time isn’t right and that you just don’t have the willpower. There’s nothing you can do about that, right?
Wrong. Thinking of “willpower” as an inner power that we either do or don’t have is misleading and counterproductive. The truth is that we do genuinely want to be slimmer, healthier or produce creative work, but we also want something else – be it pleasure, comfort or simply not having to make the effort to fight old habits. Our inclinations and desires can be at odds with each other, some aimed at securing what we want right now and others focused on our longer-term wellbeing. In the ensuing battles, the former often win.
In my years of working with addictions I came to see that there are two main gremlins we should guard against. One is acting quickly and without reflection: you have a sudden urge while you are passing by the cupcakes and immediately buy one, devouring it straight away. The other is deceiving yourself into thinking you can make an exception just for today (it’s your birthday, or you’re particularly stressed). Get ready for this inner game-playing. You can outsmart yourself only if you look ahead and prepare.